PIRATES SUSPECTED IN MIXTAPE HEIST

Over two thousand copies of the estimable DJ Franki Chan's new mixtape, "Don't Look Back In Anger," were stolen yesterday from Chan's bedroom in the iheartcomix headquarters.

A last-minute webcam photo taken by roommate Travis Hayden as the burglars scrambled out revealed three flowing-haired, shirtless, skeletal bodies enshrouded in a whirlwind of scarves and necklaces. The mysterious photo has led authorities to suspect the L.A. Gypster Pirates, reported to have stopped on land for more tattooing supplies several days ago. The suspects are still at large.

Franki Chan, who spent hours in front of his tape player adeptly and agilely pressing "record" when his favorite songs came on the radio, was devastated. "The mixtapes were heartfelt. I was going to set up a stand to sell them on the street. I was going to give them out for free to special girls," he told us, huddled under his Spiderman sheets with tears in his eyes.

The tapes included 80's hits and insufferably vivacious tracks by grinning duo Matt and Kim; they are now available for free online.

Steve Aoki also reported 25 missing copies of his own mixtape, as did Keith 2.0, whose mix was entitled "Side Bangs." Gina Turner's mixtapes, safe at Joyrich and Dan Oh's house, were left untouched.